Tuesday, September 12, 2006


I am a creature of habit. I have walked the same route in the morning since we had a dog and he died, so we're talking probably ten years. It never occurs to me to walk any other way. I like that route. I write every day. With advent of e-mail and blogging, I have gone from physical journaling (which I still do), to doing what I'm doing right now, and writing way too many notes and letters. But I love, I LOVE to write and express myself, and I have since I was a little girl and knew how to send letters to my mom in the hospital when she brought yet another sister into the world. I listen to music I love, over and over. I add to that collection, but I still go back to the oldies but goodies. These things aren't bad, or wrong, but sometimes it takes a shake-up in routine, a new idea, a different person's point of view, to bring in some freshness. And sometimes this is absolutely critical.

I struggle with certain habitual patterns in my life that may seem good on the outside, but can be so very detrimental if I want to keep growing and becoming the person God created me to be. It is good to be responsible, loyal, dependable, all of these things, and I am these things on steroids. God gifts us all with certain dominant personality traits that when used rightly, are wonderful. I enjoy them in other people. But He is sending things into my life to shake me up and show me where my habits have gone to seed and are working against the change that needs to happen. He shows me these things especially in other people. My sisters are all fighting private battles with co-dependency, an overinflated sense of responsibility and way too much guilt. When these things stop you from getting the help you need, being able to love in a detached manner, and causing continual rescue patterns, shame or acting out, it's time to be less responsible. OOHHH, does that go against my grain! My hand shoots up and I want to spring into action before I even think about what I'm doing. This can go from the sublime to the ridiculous very quickly. I could easily think of an I Love Lucy sketch or a Carol Burnett skit (Do you need help? No, I'm fine...my arms are falling off my body, I have bubonic plague, but really it's just a small cold...:-)

Sigh...we all have our things. For me, it is the greatest thing in the world to be ok with being number 2, or number 20, content to be in the background, when my fleshly nature would want the whole world to "look at me" coming to the rescue. I think God giggles at me, then claps His mighty hand over my mouth and puts the other on my shoulder so I'll stay in the background. Then on His cue, He lifts me up. And those times I'm the one little cog in a huge wheel that turns when I need to turn, and everything else swings into action after that, awesome, cool, I love being a screwy gear!! There was this ridiculous cartoon about a triangle player who had to get to an orchestra performance, and he went through all sorts of crazy mishaps through it all, until finally he bursts on stage, smooths out his tux, pulls out his triangle, and at the very, very end...ting! One note. That is all he had to play. May I be pleased and happy to ting for the King today.


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