Somerset chainsaw non-massacre

As Brandon described it...we received another letter today, one with a disturbing account of a suicide attempt. Brandon wrote about it this way:

"Interesting couple of days. Spent most of my time reading the David Sedaris book, I paged through it so fast it caught fire.....I wonder sometimes reading his stuff, I should be able to write 2 or 3 books on my jail time alone. If he can make money off of his funny and disturbing experiences, so can I. Just this morning someone tried to commit suicide in the yard by climbing through the razor wire and sawing off his head with it. Imagine one of those manual chainsaws, with the pull-start grips on either end, and trying to cut through your own neck with it. When that didn't work, he looped it around his throat a couple times and tried to hang it up. Just minutes before he asked one of my buds for a light then drilled him for info on concertina wire. I wasn't there, of course. I miss all the action. The best I ever got was Seizure Guy, where we spread a rumor it was caused by the blueberry pancakes. You know, it's been a while since we had them. Anyway, even after Somerset Chainsaw non-massacre was all over they still locked us down and performed an emergency count. My God! An emergency! I know just what to do! Everyone back to the blocks, I'm going to fix this by counting you! 1, 1 inmate! 2, 2 inmates! Ah, ah, ahhhhh! Yep, a Sesame Street Count reference (which we often get). This place can be just as silly. Incredible...."

Really can't add much more.