Thursday, August 10, 2006

you can't always get what you want

Well, it's another yellow letter day, and this one had me laughing until the tears were rolling, so I'm going to let my son relate his commisary blues! Here's Brandon:

"I've been having some crappy luck w/ store bought clothes as of late. I bought a 2x shirt that shrunk down to a medium in the wash. To fix that I bought a 4x. That came back from the larundry covered in brown spots. What the hell?! I have another, we'll see what happens there. The Camp Hill 2x boxers fit great, so I buy a pair here. They fit deceptively well until you realize they no give when you try to move around in them. I ripped a pair damn near in half by jumping into a pair of pants a little too fast. Next store, I buy a 3x. I pull them out of the wrap right in front of the register and unfold them. They're huge. Man! There's Ken doll 2x and circus tent 3x, pick one. I can't win! Just today I tried to score a pair of gym shorts for yard. My "hobby jeans" are too restrictive for hacking. No dice. They were out. I bought a browns laundry bag for nothing! You need that for personal browns/sweats. I've got a week to try again.

Instead of food I bought protein shakes a.k.a "meal replacements". That's a confusing commisary listing. Meal replacement? Someone told me the trick to making grits and oatmeal taste good-it's a 3rd of a shake packet mixed in. It's strawberry flavored, it can't hurt. I decided to try one as a drink. Now, this is a 72 gram packet, pretty big, and the whole thing is one serving. It says "add 12-14 oz. of water..." Simple, right? I open 'er up and dump it in a 14 oz. cup-THUMP-fills the whole cup. Where's the water going to go? I'm trying, struggling rather, to mix a drink and making yogurt. It went down just as easy. No, it didn't taste bad. It just refused to come out of the cup! It reminded me of Power Bars. Those are so hard to chew you have to eat an energy bar first for the physical endurance to finish a Power Bar. It's some kind of gimmick! After all of that I read in the directions "for best results use blender". Well, I've got a plastic spoon and tap water. I'll see your blender and smoothie mix. Blah! What should I do, hook the spoon to my tape player and hit fast foward? Oops, it's stuck! Rewind!"

Since that was a very hard act to follow, I'll just say "hope you got a chuckle from that funny slice of prison life". Seems like a oxymoron, but one thing about my son-he can make a comedy routine out of anything. I'm glad. It'll be good to see him this weekend.


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