crossroads

I think the hardest part about bearing our crosses in life is that some of the heaviest loads are invisible ones. Or are easily forgotten by other people. It's ok. What is true for me is true for others as well. Still it is a comfort to know the Lord sees everything as it truly is. Yet sometimes I want to find a way to make the invisible visible.

One thing I've done to cope with my son's imprisonment and absence is to get a tattoo. I don't know why psychologically subjecting oneself to controlled pain makes the interior pain easier to bear. It just seems to. There are so many ancient cultures that used this type and other types of body enhancement in rituals that mark puberty, marriage, the passages of life we all go through. There is something about leaving a permanent mark to call attention to these passages that is important. I have had one done and plan to add to that until I will probably have a half-sleeve on my left arm. I designed the first myself. It is an Alpha/Omega symbol that represents Christ having ownership of my life. I was in a recovery meeting once where a pastor made mention of the danger of wearing or advertising our faith, how much that would speak against us if we did not live up to the advertisement. Personally, I like the idea.

Anyway, the design I planned this time wraps around the first. It is a rose with thorns, sort of simple and elegant. I don't care for cheesy, like blood drops and cut skin patterns. I think this one speaks for itself, and symbolizes the beauty and pain of life. It also reminds me of my mom who passed years ago. I look forward to having this one done. I was afraid with the first, afraid to commit. It doesn't matter now, because I'm committed to this life and these crosses whether I decide to be or not. An outward symbol is a continual reminder of the fact. I need that.