Saturday, December 23, 2006

of sweet rolls and trust

Suffice it to say these past few weeks have been busy. Christmas certainly adds to the pressure of trying to get things done, but I look at my time and realize it has been more than normal. My husband and I have our own business and I help him with that. Small business owners know that means anything and everything needing done. My mother-in-law had open heart surgery about 2 months ago. She was our delivery person, so we lost her, and added the worries over her health, visitation and doctor appointments. The driver we did hire takes two weeks off for Christmas to go to Florida, so back to square one with deliveries. I'm helping with two worship teams and extra ministry opportunities that came up. I do commission artwork and Christmas is my most busy time of the year, drawing and painting, framing and delivering work. I love all of these things, but then add to that being sure that special people are remembered at Christmas, and even doing the smallest of things is one more thing to remember. And add to that visitation to the prison and worrying about my son...

So there's backdrop to something that happened yesterday. I woke up early going blue blazes when mom in law calls and wants some things from the bakery. Now I would have not been hugely happy with this request on a normal day but no problem, really. However, three days before Christmas, one of them being a Sunday, you do not want to be found in a bakery with people picking up Christmas cakes, nut bread, rolls, cookies-the wait in line can be eternal. I had a client coming in an hour to pick up art work. I wanted to beat crowds to the grocery store. Sigh...I wanted, I wanted, I wanted...what I didn't want was to sacrifice MY TIME for such a frivolous request. Not only that, but when I didn't immediately respond to her call to pick up money for the goods, she came over and dropped the money off. And called AGAIN to remind me she needed things before 8 am. GGGRRR....the steam is coming out of my ears and my resentment meter is rising steadily.

Well, I went with gritted teeth and voiced a silent prayer that there were no lines. My anger began to dissipate as I drove along (oh, did I forget to mention I had to deliver a gift bag of cookies in this trip?). I got to the bakery and there was no line. I got in and got out, and delivered my gift. By the time I got home I was glad I did go. She wanted the goodies for a visiting nurse who comes to check her K-Vac. I should have known. But here's the lesson-I hate it when people presume upon my good nature and then act like they don't trust me to be that person. I would have come to get the money had she only waited, and I would have gone directly to the bakery after my gift bag was secured if she had only given me a minute to adjust myself. Then I was deeply convicted that I just did that to someone not long ago myself. I didn't trust that person to act like they always have-loving and caring, wanting to help me and wanting to be my friend. I slipped back into control mode, trusting only myself. I hate being treated like that, and this person made it clear to me they do, too, by trying to understand why I acted like I did. Lack of trust speaks louder thany any words we may speak to the contrary. I hope I can repair the damage.


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