Monday, June 04, 2007

children of a lesser...

Well, it seems official...I'm now part of the society of the handicapped. My hearing did not respond to prednisone, though the doctor is bravely pushing forward one more week. You never know. My only question was, if this week's meds don't work, and my hearing loss appears to be permanent, can anything else be done? The only thing that could restore partial hearing is a hearing aid. That's fine with me.

I have been wrangling the past two weeks with the question, where is God in all of this? While trying to be pragmatic and unemotional...yes, those things in the question, too. The only conclusion I can draw is, He is where He belongs. In charge. Period. There is not a thing I can do. I can be angry. I can be frustrated. I can stop doing the things I'm doing. But I can't force Him to do a thing. So the responsive question then becomes, where am I in all of this as a result? Still doing what I do. A little more fearfully. A little less efficiently. With more awareness I take huge amounts of my liberty and ability for granted. I push on.

I also look up more. Sure I doubt. Yes, I cried. Yes, I was also really afraid, and still am to a certain extent. I think of Jesus on the earth, who looked to His Father with tears and strong pleading, so the scripture says-looking to the One who could save Him from death. He had alot to be afraid of on this earth. I don't. Not that way, anyway. People aren't looking to kill me, even though I'm sure I irritate enough of them. The one promise that we are sure to have, those who trust in Christ, is this: I am always with you, even to the end of the age. Boy, that is a long time. As long as I'm not alone, I think things will be ok.


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