Sunday, February 04, 2007

search me

Life is hard, no doubt about it. It is like a carnival ride of flashing lights, twists and turns, fearful drops and exhilarating flights up, shaking tracks of uncertainty that speed by or surprise us from out of the blue and leave us trembling and breathless. Among the changing landscape of my emotions, I search for solid ground and something immoveable. I was thinking about the past week-it certainly was one of emotional twists and turns, and fearful uncertainties.

But within that I realized, I have so much that allows me to see the craziness for what it is and judge whether things are right or wrong within myself. First of all is my relationship with the Lord-I have only to pray and ask, and so often the clouds of confusion clear and I can see my way straight to walk forward. Sometimes it is not me, only the unfamiliar terrain of a strange situation that catches me unawares, or someone who doesn't have the same base of belief that I do. So I also pray Psalm 139:23 &24, "Search me (thoroughly), O God, and know my heart! Try me, and know my thoughts! And see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." That is the other measuring stick and foundation of wisdom and truth-the scriptures.

Then I realized, I have wonderful, long term friendships. I have half a dozen people I could call on easily in a moment and be able to explain anything I'm struggling with or unsure and get good advice, encouragement, prayer, caffeine! Anything. What a true blessing that is! I rely on them when my mind and my heart are playing tricks on me, and feel secure when I keep hearing different versions of the same wisdom and advice.

Though life is hard, it is also good. It was designed to be so. I was reminded this week how easily my poor mind gets off track and forgets there is so much to be glad about, and that all will be well, even in the midst of the struggles.


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