Monday, January 29, 2007

along the shore

I had a dream last night. I dreamt that I was walking along the ocean, peering down into the sand, and I saw all sorts of beautiful shells, rocks and tiny treasures. I went to pick them up and realized that I could not hold everything I was finding in my hands. I was so excited I went to get a container, but could not find the place I had been again.

This dream, or one like it, is one I have every now and again on a regular basis. I used the scripture from James in my yesterday's blog-that every good and perfect gift comes from the Father of lights...my problem is while I don't disagree with that truth, I also don't believe He wants to give them to me-or that few and far between seems to suit His purpose. It is always my "container", or lack thereof, not the realization that His good gifts are infinite. Another scripture address this problem, Hebrews 11:6-Those who come near to God must believe that first of all He exists, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. I do believe that He exists and I do seek Him-why can't I get that He is a REWARDER?

I did have somehow have a sense while I was dreaming, stronger than ever before, that the treasures I found were unending, and that I could do so many wonderful things with them. I was excited like being a child again, which seems to happen far too infrequently in life these days. I dreamed about making jewelry and all sorts of beautiful art. I'm trying to connect this visual picture to my life. I volunteered to help with the music at a new church we're attending, knowing I could add so much. I'm starting prison ministry this Saturday. There are openings everywhere to help with the struggling and post-addicted people. I try to think to myself, these opportunities ARE the found treasures, and my ability to serve the means to make something so much greater out of a small thing, in a way that multiplies the gifts. If I think about it that way, I stop feeling so much fear. I stop feeling limited by what I view as my own inadequacies-my small human "container" of flesh. The thing is, I have to approach life with a big container, and that container is my faith in a big, big God.

I can't be afraid of the shore. In my dream, I never am. I search diligently because I'm excited at the prospect of finding. I never want to stop going to the water's edge.

2 Comments:

Blogger jules said...

I struggle with the same issues about God. I believe God loves us, just not sure sometimes that He really wants to reward me for anything. I have a sis-in-law who is constantly trying to tell me that God only wants good things for us. So the crapstorm that is my ife makes me question what's good.

5:18 AM  
Blogger joannie said...

I hear you-the was the message of the sermon on Sunday, and there was part of me that kept saying, "But..., but..." and I guess maybe it's my perspective that needs changing? I find that the kind of "good" I encounter is much harder to hold than what most people suppose. I had to call my son's recent letter good-not that he's in prison and the depression I sincerely feel, but there is something happening that might not have had this all not happened. Is that trying to twist the "good" factor too much?

7:48 AM  

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