Tuesday, February 13, 2007

balancing act

Here I am writing (again) when I should be drawing. Ok, ok...I'll make it quick. Sunday was a disaster, and I think I need to analyse why that was. Most days, really and truly, are not bad. Some are actually good, and some really good. The trick for me is, how well can I motivate myself on any given day? How quickly can I get up and talk to God, say thanks, talk about the day, then think of things I'm looking forward to, to do in the given day and be ready to face challenges, looking forward to them as opportunities and not potential poo-buckets. Ok, some things do become that, but if I quickly hose it down and reflect on the whole situation, I can usually come out smelling like a rose, or at least not a piece of sh.....crap.

Back to Sunday-got up ok, had alot to be thankful for (a great Saturday evening out to dinner and at the local symphony, neat time at the prison starting a 12 step there for the ladies, a good Friday CR meeting, just some fine stuff happening) and was looking forward to a good time at church to extend my thankful morning. We got there, fine, all's well, and then the sermon (dunt, dunt, daaaaaa.....) happened. Somewhere in between points one and four my head was down and I was drawing vines and flowers all over my sermon outline, trying really hard not to cry. The sermon was on parenting, and I had the outline given to me on Friday by the pastor who was very excited about it. We talked and I looked forward to what he had to say. Well, the gist was that parenting is the most critical influence on a child's life. Yes, that is true. Extrapolate from that disobedient children = bad parenting. Ummmm....that's what happened between points one and four. Yeeeouchh. Here's the thing, all you lovely, lucky moms and dads out there with great kids who never cause you serious grief-be incredibly, truly thankful that that is the case. It was for our pastor, hence the extrapolation.

After trying to extract myself from the wreckage of near suicidal despondency for two days, I decided that really, it's my fault for letting people get to me like that emotionally. Balance the info I got from our rev with this-God was parent to Adam and Eve (thanks, Lisa). My son's outstanding defense attorney said every young man between the ages of 15 and 25 who does not land in prison is lucky. Reflect upon the wisdom of whoever told me, if your kids turn out really good, don't take too much credit, and if they really screw up, don't take too much blame. Yep, that's right. Also, remember we are going for visitation this Sunday (yeah, thanks, Bran-no sermon!)


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