Thursday, February 01, 2007

once again

I was drawing yesterday and listening to the worship music of Matt Redman. He's a young Christian song-writer from the UK, one of the best modern composers of inspirational music there is in my humble opinion. One of the songs he wrote we sang on Sunday, and the lyrics keep going through my head:

Jesus Christ, I think about Your sacrifice
You became nothing, poured out to death
Many times I've marveled at Your gift of love
I'm in that place once again
I'm in that place once again

And once again I look upon the cross where You died
I'm humbled by Your mercy, I'm broken inside
Once again I thank You, once again I pour out my life

I suppose I've been thinking about my life lately. I 've wondered why things have turned out as they have. I wonder if I'm struggling with some sort of mental issues on top of our family circumstances. I wonder what kind of a human being I need to be and how I need to respond to my life as it is. I'm reading the Gospel of Mark for my devotions, out of Eugene Peterson's translation of the scriptures, The Message. The language is very fresh and contemporary, and though I'm a more intellectual type in terms of researching meaning, to read something that simply speaks in plain modern lingo is refreshing. And Mark runs at break-neck speed, laying it all out there, no frills.

When I read about the life and stories of Jesus Christ, I'm more and more struck by the simplicity and profundity of all He said and did. Something inside says "yeah!'" and "oh, dear" at the same time. Would I have the courage to do the things He did? He was compassionate, but not the least bit weak. He told the truth all of the time, especially about Himself. And if all that He did backed up everything He said about Himself. He was God. Someone who suffered more than anyone ever has, who loved more, was more human and more spiritual than anyone who ever lived, who, in fact, led a perfect life. Nothing else can be said, unless He lied. But like a cat chasing her tail, there is only one conclusion to be drawn, and one person to listen to about life with absolute authority and certainty, because He's the Author of it.

Jesus Christ, I think about Your sacrifice...though I admit myself the least of them, I do admit myself also His enamored worshipper, and whatever life hands me, I can't get past that. He remains true when everything else seems false, wrong, this shouldn't be happening-there is a place of unchanging reality and rock-solid truth. The scriptures say He is not a High Priest who cannot understand the weakness of His people, because He Himself suffered and was tempted in every way a person can be. When there is nothing else in this life, there is a love that never ends for any person who chooses to accept it.


Blogger jules said...

Okay, honestly, you're scaring me. I sometimes wonder if I've got a secret personality writing THIS blog? I was diagnosed almost a year ago with bipolar disorder after thinking all these years I was just depressed.

4:54 PM  
Blogger Sue O. (aka Joannie, SS) said...

Really?? I'm scared to death to go to the doctor. I do not want to be on medication. I'm trying everything I can to not go there, but I'm so worried about my son. Every indication points to something wrong there. Thanks for sharing!

5:00 AM  

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