Friday, April 27, 2007

to everything

I'm starting to understand and know how important it is that God is in every detail of all I do, not so much in an outward way, but inward. Some things that look good and seem good may not be good, and the only reason I'm still hanging on is that it's something I've always had, someone I've always known, something I've always done. Well, if it's time to change or move on, that whatever, no matter how good, is no longer to me. I have to search my heart and ask myself what my motives are for being in relationship or being in certain situations. As the scripture and the Byrds told us so eloquently, "To everything, there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven..."

To me this is even more important than judging something by the worldly outward package. Of course, it pays not to be stupid and the scriptures also say the deeds of the flesh are obvious. I'm not going to murder or commit adultery nor be with people who would tell me do that. The script! already written. However, I'm also not going to stay away from the inmates I work with because they've done some terrible things. I'm there because God says "be there" and I need it as well. I just attended a church ladies meeting, and while the women are lovely, I don't think I belong there. No one said I don't, but my heart's in a different place. I have friends who are gay, friends who are artists, friends who think so completely differently than I do, yet are faithful and loving and want the best for me. I see God working in their lives and I feel, "who amI?" to judge or reject them. I truly love them. And I firmly believe there is a season. I've also given my promise to a few that I will always be there, so long as there is a reason. I may not always be there in the same capacity, but the ties that bind are strong if they are wound up with God's love.

I'm to tell my story tonight at Celebrate Recovery. It helps to look back and see the threads of things in our lives, how at certain times certain things happened and why, how have choices I've made affected my life and how did God lead me forward. I'm always changing and hope that it is for the better. I'm always wanting to love better and understand more. Sometimes I wish I could go backward, but the Spirit doesn't stop moving. Only we do.


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