Saturday, January 30, 2010


It's getting to the end of the journey, and I find myself not caring about much except having my son home. I am interested in helping "the cause", but something inside wants to forget all about prison and put this light years behind us all. I'm so tired of having to travel miles, to face the realization every single day that Brandon isn't here were he should be, that we still must incorporate prison existence into our home and routine. I don't want it think about it any more. I want to move on.

I decided to make the step to receive counseling myself and see a doctor. I'm nervous about the prospect of having my son here after so long a time, trying again to work through things we neglected in the past and thinking that the possibility exists that it might not work out. I can't even get my mind to the idea of driving him back to a house he's not seen in 5 years. Many changes have happened, life's gone on, and he's remained in limbo not a part of those changes. I don't want to obsess, but I do want to be prepared and have people in my who are there knowing all circumstances. Brandon has not done any counseling in prison, and I want him to on the outside. There is a lot to consider and he needs a better foundation for his future life.

My scripture reading today was Matthew 8-10. It was a litany of back to back healings that the Lord Jesus performed, children, adults, servants, lepers, insane people-every manner of illness, physical, spiritual, emotional...that holy hand touched death, disease, sorrow, faithlessness, and imparted faith, wholeness, love and hope. I have to remember I have the great Healer walking with me in this, loving me, touching the circumstances in ever-widening spheres of influence. His love never fails.