Friday, November 24, 2006

controlling myself

I'm on my final big hair Beth Moore study week. Actually, we missed Thanksgiving Thursday, but I went on anyway because I was anxious to get to the very last fruit of the spirit, the dreaded issue of self-control. I'm ready. In a way, all roads are leading here because in my 12-step group I'm approaching step four, which is the practical application of self-control to areas of life where I don't have it. In fact, I opened up my workbook after all that turkey, pie and whipped cream, and jumped in to the first segment, and there appeared a checklist for action which is everything I'm trying to accomplish even now, before reading the section. I've identified areas of weakness, I found an accountability partner and sponsor, I'm journaling-everything is in place. It's gotten to the point where I know with certainty I will not grow if I do not address certain issues in my life, or I won't grow like I could.

As ridiculous as it sounds, for many people it is addressing what they do, a habit. My habit is something I do not do, and that is, properly estimate my self-worth and act appropriately. As a Christian it is right to be self-less. However, sometimes that involves being selfish to a degree, for a lack of a better word, if the self-sacrifice involved is rooted in pride and insecurity, not obedience. I do not take care of myself. I do not close the door to particular relationships that are at the least draining, and at the worst, destructive to my mental health and spiritual health.
I allow myself to get completely overwrought about things that have nothing to do with me because I make myself responsible for things I'm not responsible for. Nine tenths of the population would say I'm insane-don't we all feel guilty enough? But I don't, apparently, so I find other ways to do it. I don't value myself the way God does, and I need to take physical steps to begin doing that. It may mean letting go of people and situations that perpetuate the cycle.

I'm pondering the statement of the Apostle Paul that all things are lawful for him, but not all things are profitable. What a truly incredible statement! Who could make such a claim, when so much of our righteousness is based on outward prohibitions-all things are lawful?? How this mighty man of God cuts right to the chase. His mind and heart were so immersed in God's that he had the self-control to make moral distinctions in any situation apparently. Oh, how I aspire to do the same, based strictly on what the Father requires in the moment! That is such freedom! But for now I need training wheels and a way to begin.


Post a Comment

<< Home