yet another white letter

In a follow-up to his last letter and reference to his frankenpants, Bran sent another letter describing the further adventures of clothing repair along with other interesting situations spawned by living behind bars:

Speaking of shoes, I endeavored a repair job on my old ones today. They have an ever-growing hole in the toe whose sole purpose is to seek out puddles and have me step in them. I melted a plastic spoon I had and simply filled it in. Now I have an accessory to fit my Frankenpants. Haven't tested them outside yet, too much ice and snow. I'll have to wait for a much warmer and wetter day.

And this on inmate recipes:

Well, I'd better go for now. It's nearing lock-up and I have to be ready for Sean. He's doing the cooking tonight, russlin' up a chi-chi for some of us. What's a "chi-chi" you ask? It's a prison commissary casserole made from ramen soups, summer sausage, nacho chips, cheese curls, pickles, etc. Just picture making dinner with only processed packaged stuff you find on the shelves at 711. Doesn't taste too bad, but it's poison for sure.

And finally, the famous Captain Kirk (aka William Shatner) imitation:

Captain's ....Log: 1019 hrs.

I ...seemed to have...locked myself in....my quarters. No...possible way of....escape.

......Captain's Log.....time....unsure....I've....lost....my toupee and....nobody likes me.

Ah, I miss the dear fellow. He could crack up a cement post.