Sunday, April 22, 2007

and she's off...

Man, we're already into Monday (early Monday)....where did the time go? Where did my weekend go? Well, for one thing, it seemed like I was on a steeplechase track for humans, jumping water traps, high bars, zooming around obstacles, trying to follow faith rather than being ridden by fear and knee-jerk reactions since last week. In the quest to love and help people and honor promises I've made, obligations I've obliged myself to, I had to complete a double portrait for a memorial celebration of life, transcribe the music to "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" and find a decorative easel to rent for the picture to be displayed in the service. It seems to take forever to draw.

I decided to start a life drawing class again in the summer, and so was e-mailing and telephoning the necessary powers that be for this and am trying to remember I have to put out a mailing to my old list and find models. That was put on the back burner with a little heat to get started. I won an award at our Art League spring show, and needed to go to CR on Friday night, and then race out to receive the award and race back. I had to run the Saturday prison group without my partner and so came down to the wire writing an outline and trying to figure out what direction to take the step we were doing. Plus I had volunteers coming, found out we had no guard when I got there and had to move from one room to another. Not that this is any big thing, but understand always just going through the metal doors is an accomplishment for this gal. There were issues here I needed to work out in my own mind-who should volunteer? How is one qualified? How to work with the leadership there for the common good?

Then I found out a letter I had sent to a friend promising to do something really important never made it. I felt terrible when I received word back, as I though I had failed this person. I can still work it out, but I'm back on the track, falling into the waters of disappoint and shame, trying to get up, get artwork to yet another show, clean house, go to a show in Saturday evening in which I had artwork. In the middle of the day I was flying down highway 81 to check out a mural job, which turned out to be a 10' x 28' depiction of Las Vegas in a pizza shop. I accepted, questioning myself on the ride home, "what did I just agree to??", terrified I can't, but sure I can. Just how much wear and tear on my mind and body will this take? I have a portrait job to check out Monday.

Ok, try to sleep and feel ok, can't, have to get my daughter's duct tape dress done for prom on Sunday, and I have no idea how it's going to come together. Write another reply to said friend, write to his parents, and priority the reply on Monday....AND....don't worry!! (Impossible) I'm jumping hurdles of guilt, self-doubt, stop, stop, rethink and relax!! I have to go to Philly on Tuesday to visit my other daughter who is in a fashion design program (I want to, would love to, need to!) and also need to get her sister's hopefully finished dress to her for grommeting. We go to NYC Wednesday to get material for her final collection-where's the money coming from, and I need directions and so need to speak to her boyfriend. Don't worry, don't worry, it will get done.

Sigh...finally I got a call from my sister, Mary, and just listening to her talk made me realize-you know, I've got it pretty darn good. My worries are nothing compared to hers. She's working two jobs, a factory job and McDonald's, to help her husband through nursing school. She's locked into having no real time for herself and I think I've got every outlet for my own creative and ministry expression. Her daughters are both pregnant and not married. I can't even plumb the worries there. While life is crazy, nuts, insane and unfathomable some times, most times, I guess I like it that way. Jesus said His followers would have abundant life-I think I've got that?!


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