latest white letter day

Brandon wrote a long letter after not having written for some time, or it seemed like that was the case. I'll include the first page of his letter, which had some funny and well-written bits:

Helllloooooo!

Ohh geez, I really should keep a log of what goes on. My memory is so damned poor, interesting things that go on manage to slip my mind. Let's see.....a guy I used to hang out with who made parole came back. Cased up with 20-40 years worth of armed bank robberies. That's too bad, 'cause he's a funny guy, tells a good yarn here and there. Just can't seem to keep himself under control. Perhaps late in my 11th year I'll catch a technical and pay him a visit...just kidding. (Mother feels several more gray hairs sprouting on her head. Sue)

Another casual acquaintance (Pete) lost his kitchen job and went to the Bucket over bogus contraband charges. They claimed he had a tattoo gun in the drop ceiling, something like that. Well, Pete appealed and demanded an inquest. He told them he had a documented permanent injury to his shoulder which would have kept him from climbing up into the rafters in the first place. It checked out, so the hearing examiner dropped the "unauthorized area" charge and even made a written testimony that Pete was physically unable to enter the area in question. Logic would demand that if you could not have possibly entered the crime scene, you either didn't do it, or you had an accomplice. None of the snitches made mention of any accomplices, they claimed he did it himself (the official paperwork stated all unnamed sources were inmate informants, I use the term "snitch" literally, not derogatorily). Somehow the contraband charge stuck, the hearing examiner contradicting his/her own belief that Pete was never in the unauthorized area. Pete went on to tell some funny stories about the only other time he was in the Hole, that is, Camp Hill about 10 years back. He was in the counselor's office on the phone with the DA or his attorney: "....yeah, the feds offered 280 years? Ok, let me think about that. Yeah, tell them to kiss my ass, yes the whole thing..." when he hears the distinctive foot falls of someone running towards him. He leans back out of the way and follows with a blind right hook, phone in hand. It was a guard, a sergeant in fact, by the name of Silver who had been giving him trouble most of his stay. Pete had knocked him clean out on the carpet with the phone. The only reaon Pete hadn't caught an assault charge was that the counselor testified the Sarge had attacked him unprovoked. Most likely because of his shame, the guard didn't press charges. While relegated to much SHU time, Pete caught himself a pet bird. Camp Hill's hole retains some of that old-world jail charm, that is, the windows have no glass. Sgt. Silver made sure he was the one to catch him with the bird. Didn't take long, during a round sarge saw the damn thing on the desk eating crackers....

Sarge: "Storer! What the hell is that? A bird? Is that a pet? Pets are against the rules!"
Pete: "No, he just flew in here."
Spanish guy next door through a hole in the ceiling: "Hey! Hey, meng, jou got a burd?"
Sarge: "He's eating crackers, you're feeding him!"
Pete: "No sir, he's stealing them."
Spanish guy: "Hey, pass off! Pass off de burd, meng!"
Sarge: "It didn't budge when I kicked the door, he's trained, so he'd a god damned pet!"
Spanish guy: "Jus' give uz de burd, meng, he won't see!"
Pete through clenched teeth: "He's staring right at me, giving me a write up!"
Sarge: "Who are you talking to? What's going on back there?
Other Spanish guy: "C'mon, meng! Quick!"
Pete: "Shut up!"

I suppose Pete would have "passed off" if he didn't think the Mexicans were going to turn the thing into wraps. Probably had a fire going already... "Why does my burrito have feathers? Heeyyyy!"

Well, that's the latest from cellblock S! We're going to visit tomorrow-the day is supposed to be clear a sunny. Here's to hoping!!