consider

It seems like lately I have a calm assurance in my life, as much as I sometimes worry where it is all going. Yesterday reminded me of that. Our ladies prison 12 step was packed to max. It was so hot in the room where we met it was hard to sit still and concentrate. We began to implement a certificate program last week, which meant ladies who committed themselves to going through the entire program in three months or so because we do a step a week, and do homework, would get a certificate. All ten who came signed up. This week we had close to double that number and lots of new women. But I wasn't afraid. The meeting ran smoothly, and my partner and another volunteer pretty much let me take the helm. If this had been a year ago, the very thought would have sucked all the air out of my lungs. I remember feeling as redundant as a prom queen in the bowels of Hades the first time I ever came inside to volunteer, equally doubting my ability to speak at all as to have something significant to say. But not yesterday. God's Spirit moved in the room, and there was passion and connection, a certain knowing "I belong".

Right after the group ended I had artwork to deliver to our local Wyoming Valley Art League headquarters for their spring exhibit. I didn't know if anyone would be there, as it was early in the day and drop-off didn't start for another hour or so. Well, the acting president was there by herself hauling display racks and putting away chairs. I offered to stay and help, and listen to her complain about the lack of volunteers and organization in the group. I know this happens-I used to serve in several capacities. But deep down inside I knew I was there just to listen to Cathy. She needed someone to talk to. By the time I left we were laughing and sharing our latest art successes. I was proud to unveil my display pieces and she was asking me about technique. Somehow another place I knew "I belong".

Then home to the quiet and the computer. I logged on and looked at my mail, worked on some letters and wrote some things to close friends. Again that feeling of belonging just swept through me. I felt grateful to have this time, these friends, this life. I do worry about how we will survive, but I seem to remember someone saying, "consider the lillies of the field". My name, Susan, is translated "lilly". O ye of little faith... and I see looking back on my day, how true.