time passages

It's once again been too long since I've posted anything. Oddly at this time, though we still have a few years to go, Brandon's return seems so close. I guess I've never really thought about it as practically as I am now, admitting the excitement, the fears, the uncertainty of the whole process. I didn't want to think of it, as though thinking about it would somehow jinx it and add more time. Our home is empty now. The youngest has more or less moved on, so I'm cleaning like a madwoman and fixing up. I guess that made me think the next occupant will be our son. It will be like bringing a baby home in a way, or a stranger.

I did decide to invest in professional help to help my anxiety and to better prepare my mind. As I said, up to now, I didn't think about it much, but now that I am, I know I need better preparation, more coping skills than I currently posses or maybe just someone with a degree to tell me it'll be ok. I don't know. I feel like I've reaching a high water mark emotionally and I can't take in any more water without mental distress. Even thought things that are happening now are normal passages of life. So I trust and I pray this is where things need to be now. There aren't many how-to books on families of inmates who return home.