Saturday, May 23, 2009

tired, grateful

I have been struggling with feelings of despondency and tiredness. We're approaching the halfway mark of our son's incarceration- at the least the halfway mark of parole eligibility, and I'm ready for this to be done. In his last letter Bran mentioned going on Lexapro again because he is having a hard time feeling motivated to do anything. He forgets things, sleeps because there is nothing else he can do to shut it out and simply tries to pass time. I understand. I felt better, though, when he sent a work check home and asked us to save them for him to buy a car when he gets out. He's thinking about things beyond prison and I'm grateful.

I was also grateful this morning speaking to him on the phone. It's little things that remind me how he has changed despite the struggle to continue to endure. He basically works what amounts to a second shift in the prison, which cuts his yard (outdoor) time considerably. But he said it's been nice the past week or so, when he gets off shift, to slowly walk outside to his building and drink in the silence and the Allegheny mountain tree line through a gap in the buildings. Such a small thing, but so amazing. A tree lined mountain would never have been a hopeful thing and a pleasure to him five years ago. It is my prayer that neither of us will forget the lessons we are learning now.


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