Tuesday, March 20, 2007

the f-word

I continue to deal with the fear factor in my life, and realize truthfully how unfounded most of the things I fear are. In fact, so many of those things are in essence blessings and great opportunities. What is left to me is to see them as such. What is needed is a change of mind. I got a call from my older daughter who is studying fashion design in Philadelphia. I applaud her for going after her dream and living independently in a place that for some could be very overwhelming. She doesn't ask for help unless she really has a need, and still is hesitant to do that. I've seen so much maturation and growth over the past two years, as she left home just before Brandon was arrested. That is another factor that makes me marvel at Dee's success and continued drive to work so hard. Well, she is down to the wire at one school, preparing for her three-garment fashion show, and wants to go to NYC to look for fabric swatches. She asked me to accompany her. She also mentioned an art show going on in Delaware to which she was personally invited by a well-known painter who comes into the corset shop where she works.

Now, who gets opportunities like this? Not one, but two in as many weeks? And I'll admit plainly, the thoughts of driving to Philly and galavanting all over Manhattan pushes every fear button I have. Still, I think to myself, I am so proud, so very proud to have a daughter who thinks nothing of things like this, who grabs life with both hands and runs with every opportunity it throws her way. Shoot, she makes them happen. Would I have done the same at 23 years old? I was already married and working in a dental lab. That's fine, but if I don't say yes to things that may never happen again, what am I really saying to my daughter? What am I saying to God, when I've prayed, and prayed....and prayed for her success and that my kids would grow up to be all I wished I could have? Well, here's my answer, so how do I respond?

I got a call yesterday from a good friend requesting that I pray for a family we both know with a son in college in Philly. He's missing. Talk about something to really feel fear over! I did pray for the family, but I know the odds the longer someone is not found. It seems surreal and horrible, but the God I serve is able to either change the circumstances or bring his children into the nightmare world other people suffer to be an agent of compassion and help, and oftentimes the pricetag is suffering the same pain they do to make something so tragic a triumph. I think back to my daughter and what she is asking me-does fear have any place here? I think not.


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