Saturday, June 30, 2007

waking the dawn

Another night of little sleep just when I truly need it. (When do you ever not?) I have a full day of work ahead, life drawing in the evening and anything else I can manage to cram into this coming day. I can never get enough done. My younger daughter needs her room completely revamped and repainted to have a work space for her art projects. Her senior project for next year is a two-person show, and so this is critical ASAP. The elder called-she has to have some sort of emergency cash or credit, and is minus her computer and time to do anything but survive a rough spot in the life of a young person starting out, so worry plagues me. I can't see where in our schedule we'll have time to see our son, but it's already been two months. I need a body double!!

Even though I know everything will be fine, I'm blessed, all that, I worry incessantly. A friend is on my mind, someone I fear for greatly who does not have the best judgment where woman are concerned. Thus far, no complications but I can foresee the future. It may wind up like another male friend of mine, the nicest guy you'd ever want to meet...which is why he probably wound up with Cruella De Vil and the Wicked Witch of the West. Somehow I think I could talk until I'm blue in the face about being sure a woman's heart is good as the outside package and it would fall on deaf ears. Ears and brains aren't the active organs in either case. Sigh.

I wonder about my coming schedule this year. Where am I going to cram in school studies or get the money? How can I get my art off the ground when it is so difficult to find the hours to draw? I try to be faithful in everything I do but it makes me feel like such a useless speck of dust to think of how little that is. Maybe that's the point. Be anxious for nothing, pray about everything...the one thing I do far too little of.


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