Tuesday, May 13, 2008

windexing my perspective

I've just come through a week where I could not seem to control my racing thoughts, my heart rate, my feelings of uncertainty and fear. There seemed no apparent reason for it, so I went to see a dear friend who is also my sponsor, and sometimes you just have to lay it out on the table for another person to look at and tell you, so that's why...I couldn't see it. Don't we, as moms and women, take it all in? Like taking in the whole world's dirty laundry and mending, to return it in neat, sweet-smelling and nicely fixed piles. We try to be like the elves in the children's story of old, working all night to help the poor shoemaker and his wife. I don't recall anyone paying the elves. It's just what we do.

But sometimes that laundry has to stay in another person's basket. I can't do it-it isn't mine to do. People say "let go and let God"...but I feel like I'm in a tug of war with Him. Ok, God, here you go-rip!! Oops, guess I didn't quite let go of that one and made quite the mess. The old saying goes, little foxes spoil the vine. I keep those little foxes in their own house, I think, with hammocks and fox kibble. Geez, why can't I just not worry? Let all those problems work themselves out. I can't force even my own kids to think like I do, or do what I do. So it's back to being reminded for the millionth time...it will work out, really. And if it doesn't, it will work out somehow.

I just read that the universe is actually geared to opening ten doors when one closes, making kaleidescopes out of our broken pieces, giving us five new blossoms for every one that fails to open...really, I do know that. His mercies are new every morning. Mercy triumphs over justice in the end. Love finds native soil anywhere a heart keeps on beating. Daisies push through concrete, tiny droplets of water carve a coastline, faith the grain of a mustard seed moves the mountain when my words and actions cannot. I know I've written about her before, but there was once a lady with a bad reputation who broke a perfume bottle at the feet of a man and everyone around Him said, "Don't you know what this woman is, and the perfume could have been sold to feed the poor?" What they didn't do, as she did, was understand what the moment required and what was truly valuable. It was to focus their attention on the King in their midst. I put out fires with a sprinkling can, when Living Water is always available.


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